When you lose a friend or family member to cancer, you tend to step back and take inventory of how you live your life. Every product you use, every bit of food you eat gets scrutinized just a little more closely. You begin to wonder if there are things you, personally, can do to lessen your risk of cancer coming into your life again. You pay closer attention to companies supporting cancer research. You follow key messaging and hope…hope and pray… that a cure is on the way so no one ever has to face this horrible disease again.

…

Read More

The post Recipe: Creamy Mushroom and 3 Bean Soup appeared first on Dine and Dish.

It’s kind of crazy how memories can overwhelm you sometimes. I was sitting here thinking about Jingle, the dog that goes along with the Hallmark Jingle All the Way Interactive storybook. My daughter, Ella, has really taken to this stuffed dog. He gets buckled into seat belts, sits by her feet at dinner, snuggles in her bed at bedtime and more.

I remember my brother Larry surprising me with my very first Cabbage Patch doll when I was a young girl. This was back when Cabbage Patch Dolls were the “hot toy” and quite expensive. He had to wait in a huge line, probably at a Wal-Mart, to snatch one for me.            …

Read More

The post Holiday Moments and Gift Ideas appeared first on Dine and Dish.

A year ago this week, I was sitting in a hospital room next to my brother, just shooting the breeze. I had learned of his diagnosis just a few days earlier, and yet, even though I knew it was cancer, I still felt like everything would be just fine.

Our conversation was so completely normal. We talked a lot about sports, which was something you could talk with Larry about any day, any time. I remember specifically asking him for advice about a baseball situation with Jacob, and I clearly remember his advice. I can’t sit at one of Jacob’s baseball games now without my brothers voice entering into my head.

This couple of hours in the hospital is what I think about when I think back to last summer.  I think about our last “real”, normal conversation before cancer took it’s stronghold and quickly took my brother away from his family.

Shooting the breeze, in a hospital room, talking about nothing significant at all. Just stuff.

Sometimes I wish I could re-do that conversation… to say things more meaningful than what I did. I wish I could have told him that I was sorry about a few years before when things were really strained between us…all the hateful things I said to him during that time.  I wish I would have told him how proud I was of him… how much I admired how hard he worked to give his family the life they had. I wanted to tell him that I think he turned into the most amazing dad, and along with his wife raised some of the best kids on this planet. I wish I would have told him that I was sorry I didn’t spend more time with him and that even though there were so many years between us, I had a lot of really funny and vivid memories of growing up with him as my brother.

One such memory is cemented in my head like yesterday…it was the middle of the night before Easter, and Larry was so gingerly hiding the Easter eggs, acting as the Easter bunny. I remember him telling my mom he wanted to get it “just so” because I was at a “critical age” and he didn’t want me to stop believing… only what he didn’t know was that I was peeking around the corner watching him the entire time. It was that night that I found out the Easter Bunny wasn’t real… but I didn’t let on. I never shared that story with him because on that day in the hospital and all the other days, we talked about “stuff”. I feel like we went through our whole relationship as brother and sister talking about “stuff”. Shooting the breeze…stuff.

A couple weeks later after that day in the hospital, he had gone down hill significantly, and exactly two months after the “stuff” conversation, he was gone.

Tonight, as I am on a high from a wonderful family weekend yet also in a fog because of the memories I am having from this past summer, I wonder how this past year has changed me. How will I let this change me? My husband and I drove home in silence today… we had over 4 hours of opportunity to talk about more than just stuff, but we were tired and zoned and moving through life with four kids, jobs and a busy calendar.

It’s easy to say “give grace”, “live like there’s no tomorrow”, “tell people you love them” but doing it… moving beyond just “stuff’ is hard sometimes. It takes time, it takes a lot of effort and sometimes it takes a conversation, or lack thereof, to give you that gentle push into reminding you how quickly things can change. Tomorrow is a new day and I want it to be a turning point – a tuning in point – because we never know when there might be another chance to say what we want to say.

The post Stuff – A Conversation One Year Later appeared first on Dine and Dish.

This time last year I was having a conversation with my husband about my family. “You know? Sometimes I think I would be fine if I just cut contact with some of them.” Of course I didn’t mean it, but I was frustrated. Each year I host our family Christmas and each year, it felt like it was becoming less and less important for people to be here. My brother, Larry, in particular was notorious for never letting me know ahead of time if his family would come, making it difficult for me to plan the amount of food we would need.

I mostly got over my fit in time for our family gathering. We had a great time… Just Dance Competitions, rousing games of Apples to Apples and just hanging out. My brother and his family did show up. I was still feeling annoyed with him though, so I don’t really remember hanging out with him much. I hung out with his kids, but I honestly can’t remember having much interaction with him at all that day.

No one in our family was ill last Christmas. Everyone was healthy and there was no reason for me to believe that things would be any different the next time we all got together. Little did I know that in June 2011 my brother would be diagnosed with cancer and two months later, he would die. I had no idea our next family gathering would be his funeral.

What I wouldn’t give to replay last Christmas… to appreciate the family I have for everything they are. To love them unconditionally and to get over my bratty self and to savor their presence, announced or not, at our family gathering.

Think about your family this Christmas. What would you do differently if you knew someone you loved wasn’t going to be there next year? Is there someone you need to forgive and embrace for who they are? The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is the gift of family, love and forgiveness. Appreciate the people God has placed in your life, for everything they are, because you never know when it may be your last chance to show them your love.

The post Christmas Forgiveness appeared first on Dine and Dish.

My brother, Larry, lost his valiant 2-month battle with cancer early this morning. I was fortunate enough to be there when he passed. Hearing his wife visually walk him “home” to heaven where other friends and relatives eagerly awaited his arrival and seeing how that led him to his peaceful final breath was something I will never forget. I feel very privileged to have witnessed the moments I have in the past 24 hours.

My brother was a good man. Most importantly, he was the most amazing father and helped to raise 3 incredible kids. My heart aches in ways I didn’t know possible seeing his kids try to grasp the reality of this loss. There will be a void there that can never be replaced. As a mom, we want to shelter our kids from hurt. Knowing that there is nothing any of us can do to take this hurt away is almost unbearable.

Larry was out of the house by the time I was born, so needless to say we had a different relationship. It wasn’t a typical brother / sister relationship I guess, but honestly… I don’t know what is typical anymore. Yes, I reached out more in the past two months to Larry than I ever have before. I imagine he would have done the same thing had the tables been turned. When you are faced with a loved one dying, I can only think that is the natural thing to do.

You might expect my message to everyone out there is to hold on tight, give more and don’t let time get between you and a loved one… and although I think that is extremely important, I have an even bigger message I want to share.

Plain and simple, give grace. Give grace and accept each other for what you are. I know in the end my brother and I were accepting and at peace with our relationship. No, it wasn’t a perfect relationship. We have faults, we’ve both made plenty of mistakes over the years however as my friend Wendy so eloquently put in a recent blog post:

“And I pondered how life isn’t perfect. How I’m not perfect. How those I love aren’t perfect. But how loving them…fully loving them warts and all…is somehow perfect, especially when faced with the possibility of not having them.”

As you are contemplating your own relationships… your own life with your friends and family, please take a moment to forgive and give a stretch of grace to those who haven’t lived up to your expectations. In our heart of hearts I know that we are all simply doing the very best we can.

I have a greater appreciation for my brothers and sisters, my parents and the rest of my family because of going through this. We’ve opened up and had conversations with each other that very well might not have happened otherwise. We’ve loved, laughed, cried and most importantly, we have forgiven. I hope you will reach out to the ones you love and do the same.

I am touched and humbled by the outpouring of love from all of you. It has lifted me up in a time full of sorrow. I can’t begin to express my gratitude in a way that will convey how much it has meant to me. Thank you…I feel so blessed.

The post Give Grace appeared first on Dine and Dish.

I collapsed into bed, exhausted. Dealing with my brothers illness has taken a toll on me I never expected. When a family member is dying I’m discovering there are a lot of eggshells to be walked on. Am I doing enough? Am I intruding? Am I annoying them calling and checking on things when in reality I hadn’t called and checked on things all that much before he was sick? Will what I’m attempting to do be seen as genuine or as a last minute attempt to be at peace with our relationship? Do you want me around? Do you not? Can I help? Please, what can I do to help? What is the right thing to do?

I haven’t been myself this past month, and I know it. I’ve been flighty and distant and bitchy. I’ve shirked responsibility and have taken retreat into my house when I haven’t felt like dealing with being “on”. So, when I collapsed into bed, spent and worn out and my husband asked me to rub his neck, I sighed, made an unloving remark, turned over and went to sleep.

The one person I love the most in the world – more than my children, more than my brother, more than anyone else – is the one person I’ve been taking for granted. That hit me harder than ever when I woke up to find this tweet on Twitter from blogging friend Jennifer Perillo:

Her husband, the father of her two precious children, had suddenly collapsed and had died from a heart attack. He was gone. The reality of how quickly a loved one can be taken out of our lives hit me hard. What if it were my husband? Would I have regrets about how I had treated him recently? You bet so. I’m lucky enough to have another chance.

It pains me in the worst way that Jennie and her family has to endure what they are going through in order for the rest of us to be reminded to hug our loved ones. Not today, not tomorrow, but now. Now is all we have and tomorrow could be too late.

Through a heartfelt post, another reminder to us all of how raw this time is, Jennie asked us all to join together by making a peanut butter pie in Mikey’s honor. So a pie is what I made…and what hundreds of other bloggers have made… as a simple reminder that life is short. Savor each other, savor the moments and as a tribute to one another love each and every day because it could be the last.

This happens to be another 6 ingredient or less dessert recipe. Have you shared your 6 ingredient or less dessert recipe for the chance to win a $600 American Express Gift Card? If not, head over to my Creamy Biscoff Pudding post now to enter the giveaway.

Peanut Butter Ice Cream Pie with Biscoff Cookie Crust for Mikey

For the crust:

• 1 package of Biscoff Cookies (approximately 32 cookies)
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 8 Tablespoons melted butter

1. Place Biscoff cookies into a food processor and process until fine crumbs have formed.
2. Add granulated sugar and melted butter. Mix until well combined.
3. Press into a 9-inch pie plate.
4. Bake in a pre-heated 350° oven for 8 minutes.
5. Remove from oven and cool completely.

For the ice cream:

• 4 cups vanilla ice cream, softened
• 1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 1/4 cup salted peanuts

1. In a mixing bowl, mix ice cream and peanut butter together on medium speed until combined.
2. Spoon ice cream mixture into cooled pie crust.
3. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup chopped peanuts.
4. Freeze overnight. Remove from freezer 10 minutes before serving.

The post Peanut Butter Ice Cream Pie with Biscoff Cookie Crust – for Mikey appeared first on Dine and Dish.

Wow – what a week! Last weekend, my husband and I took our kids to Iowa to spend the week with Grandma and Grandpa. When we arrived home, I collapsed into bed only to be jarred awake a few minutes later by the phone ringing. It was one of my sisters and she told me I needed to get to the Emergency Room ASAP… our brother was not doing well and things weren’t looking good.

I arrived at the ER to discover my brother in a horrible state. He was hallucinating, dehydrated, extremely weak and his chest sounded like a fish tank gurgling along. His oxygen level was very low and he was in tremendous pain. To make matters worse, he was nauseous from the chemo he had earlier in the week and he couldn’t throw up because the tumor was blocking his esophagus. He also had pneumonia in both lungs, but couldn’t clear his chest because of the tumor blocking his esophagus. Can you imagine how horrible that would feel?

I watched helplessly as my sister-in-law dealt with the “do not resuscitate” orders… nurses came in and out just trying to keep him comfortable. It was one year to the day that my friend Ann lost her battle with cancer. I was cursing cancer and hating what this disease had done so quickly to my brother.

I ended up staying the night with him at the hospital. I had to leave for a short business trip to Chicago the next morning and as I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye, I honestly was fearful that this would be the last time I saw him alive.

Our friends here at home and those of you who heard the news online committed to praying relentlessly for him, his doctors and his family. I’m excited to tell you that those prayers have worked…my brother has taken an unbelievable turn for the better, thanks to your prayers and the innovation of a great doctor who has apparently gone through something similar with his own family recently.

It was discovered that the tumor had punctured a hole in my brothers trachea and esophagus causing everything from his feeding tube and other fluids to leak out into his lungs and body cavity. The doctor decided to perform surgery to put a stint in his esophagus and it worked! He came out of surgery and is now able to eat, drink, cough, breathe again. After seeing him on Sunday and then visiting him again today, I can’t believe the improvement in just these few short days.

His prognosis is still the same… he’s not going to be with us all that much longer, but we are thankful that we have awhile longer to have him in our life.

So, today’s happiness project is a long story but boils down to one thing. I’m thankful to have my brother alive. Actually, make that two things… I’m thankful for your prayers as well. I’ve received so many kind emails, phone calls, tweets, facebook messages from all of you. Thank you so much for keeping our family in your thoughts. It is so appreciated.

The post The Happiness Report #11 – My Brother Larry appeared first on Dine and Dish.