I collapsed into bed, exhausted. Dealing with my brothers illness has taken a toll on me I never expected. When a family member is dying I’m discovering there are a lot of eggshells to be walked on. Am I doing enough? Am I intruding? Am I annoying them calling and checking on things when in reality I hadn’t called and checked on things all that much before he was sick? Will what I’m attempting to do be seen as genuine or as a last minute attempt to be at peace with our relationship? Do you want me around? Do you not? Can I help? Please, what can I do to help? What is the right thing to do?
I haven’t been myself this past month, and I know it. I’ve been flighty and distant and bitchy. I’ve shirked responsibility and have taken retreat into my house when I haven’t felt like dealing with being “on”. So, when I collapsed into bed, spent and worn out and my husband asked me to rub his neck, I sighed, made an unloving remark, turned over and went to sleep.
The one person I love the most in the world – more than my children, more than my brother, more than anyone else – is the one person I’ve been taking for granted. That hit me harder than ever when I woke up to find this tweet on Twitter from blogging friend Jennifer Perillo:
Her husband, the father of her two precious children, had suddenly collapsed and had died from a heart attack. He was gone. The reality of how quickly a loved one can be taken out of our lives hit me hard. What if it were my husband? Would I have regrets about how I had treated him recently? You bet so. I’m lucky enough to have another chance.
It pains me in the worst way that Jennie and her family has to endure what they are going through in order for the rest of us to be reminded to hug our loved ones. Not today, not tomorrow, but now. Now is all we have and tomorrow could be too late.
Through a heartfelt post, another reminder to us all of how raw this time is, Jennie asked us all to join together by making a peanut butter pie in Mikey’s honor. So a pie is what I made…and what hundreds of other bloggers have made… as a simple reminder that life is short. Savor each other, savor the moments and as a tribute to one another love each and every day because it could be the last.
This happens to be another 6 ingredient or less dessert recipe. Have you shared your 6 ingredient or less dessert recipe for the chance to win a $600 American Express Gift Card? If not, head over to my Creamy Biscoff Pudding post now to enter the giveaway.
Peanut Butter Ice Cream Pie with Biscoff Cookie Crust for Mikey
For the crust:
- 1 package of Biscoff Cookies (approximately 32 cookies)
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 8 Tablespoons melted butter
- Place Biscoff cookies into a food processor and process until fine crumbs have formed.
- Add granulated sugar and melted butter. Mix until well combined.
- Press into a 9-inch pie plate.
- Bake in a pre-heated 350° oven for 8 minutes.
- Remove from oven and cool completely.
For the ice cream:
- 4 cups vanilla ice cream, softened
- 1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter
- 1/4 cup salted peanuts
- In a mixing bowl, mix ice cream and peanut butter together on medium speed until combined.
- Spoon ice cream mixture into cooled pie crust.
- Sprinkle with 1/4 cup chopped peanuts.
- Freeze overnight. Remove from freezer 10 minutes before serving.
Beautiful. Just absolutely beautiful. Every one of us should be reminded of how precious and fleeting life really is. hug your loved ones as close as possible. Right now.
Beautiful pie and post. The tears just don’t stop.
You have been dealing with so much… I can only imagine that moment when you found out that a friend was going through the worst possible situation. I hope you know that you are loved and that you are prayed for. You and all your family.
Be blessed-
Amanda
wow. such a beautiful post, Kristen. thank you for sharing, xo
Kristen, this is painfully honest. I know exactly the questions you are asking and the feelings you are feeling surrounding your brother and the family. But no matter what, you are doing the right thing.
Hugs for everyone. And hopefully both you and your husband get a neck rub.
{{{HUGS}}}} Love you!
Your post gave me chills. You have an amazing way with words, and I love your honesty. Thank you for reminding me to enjoy all of life’s moments even more and to make sure that I appreciate all of the big and small things about those whom I hold most dear in my life.
Excellent post, Kristen. We are all feeling it today.
I am so sorry for Jennifer’s loss and have been reading about it all over the ‘sphere.
Your pie is beautiful. I love PB an I love Biscoffs. Amazing job.
My prayers are with her and her family.
I agree with Amanda, you have been dealing with tons. I can only imagine how hard it is and I think the questions you’re asking are very normal. I’m thinking about you and all of my friends who are going through a similar situation. My heart goes out to your family and to Jennie’s family.
Kristen, I’m a mess of tears all over again, but thank you for this raw, beautiful post. You (and your brother, and family) are in my thoughts and prayers – always.
Beautiful post, Kristen. You’re in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother Kristen, I can only imagine the stress you must be carrying right now. And you still took the time to make a pie for Mikey, I love that.
so eloquently and authetically written. your honesty is heart felt and pain is felt. I am so sorry about your brother…not fun, at all! I met Jennie once, but I liked her. I feel for her as well. I need to go and make a peanut butter pie and give all of the boys in my house a big hug.
i never know which is worse: unexpected tragedy or when you see it coming. then i try to remember, it’s not a contest. there is no “worst,” only stuff that we have to deal with differently.
and how we respond is no contest, either. or, more accurately, there’s no right or wrong way. i come from an irish family, where we keep our emotions bottled up until they erupt inappropriately, usually at a wedding or major holiday gathering. not going to claim it’s the right way. but to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, all human emotion is legitimate, in it’s own way, and experiencing it might hurt but it’s part of the human equation.
thanks for sharing.
Absolutely beautiful post.
This has shaken everyone to the core and I’m so blessed to be a associated with a group of people that is so supportive to their friends. Very humbling!
Big warm tight hugs to you. Wish I lived near by so I could deliver in person.
Beautiful, beautiful post. I am so sorry about your brother. My husband was in a horrifying accident a few years ago, and I thought for sure we had lost him. It was terrifying. I am sending my best thoughts to you and your family. Thank you for this delicious pie recipe. Hang in there. <3
Kristen, I’m so, so sorry you’re having to go through this with your brother. Life is so unfair sometimes. Sending you love and strength to get through it all. Such a sad week.
Beautiful post. Wish I could give you a hug in person. ((hugs)) Such a sad week for so many.
What a beautiful post, and so honest. I hope you can find peace, hope and eventually joy in your circumstance. Sending hugs. . .
Oh, my. I feel your pain. I really do. My brother died 13 years ago after a 2 1/2 year battle with CML. He was barely 31 years old. I felt the same things you are feeling, and I often felt guilty. One thing I learned is there is no play book for dealing with watching your brother die. There is no wrong way. There are just ways. And they pretty much all suck.
A doubly poignant pie–for your brother and for Mikey. I know your feelings are scraped raw right now. It will get better.
My thoughts are with you darling. I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you. And how beautifully you expressed yourself here… I am amazed you were able to find the words.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. And Thank you for making this pie (with a twist!) and for the lovely photographs.
such a beautiful post, so raw and real. and a beautiful pie.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I send you all my love. ((HUG)) xx
Kristen, there is something extra special that you took the time to make this pie when you own life is consumed with the reality of your brother’s condition. I applaud you for doing it and hope that this effort and the love that has been generated for Jennifer will envelope you too. We’re here for you when you need us.
Clear Head. Full Heart. Can’t Lose.
That is you today.
thank you for again being honest and raw. the pie is gorgeous and it represents to me, memories and moments.
i needed to be reminded of the “here and now” …
thank you.
Take strength and comfort in food and extra hugs for those you love even when we are really tired x
This is another touching post at what is obviously a horrible horrible time. You are so open about your ordeal (in a positive way, not overly-so way dont get me wrong!) , I hope you are keeping as strong as possible during this experience that i dont even think i could begin to imagine. My thoughts are with you also
Wow! Peanut butter is our family’s favorite. This is something that can’t be resisted when refrigerated at home.
Beautiful pie Kristin and a very firm reminder about how precious each second with our loved ones is…
I am experiencing the same with my mother, even though I am the primary caretaker. I feel guilty for not being there for so many years, as I lived on a different continent. My mom has always been there for me and my girls and I have to be here for her now.
I understand how you feel. Jennie’s Twitter announcement has hit me hard and I cried for hours, thinking of my daughters and my husband.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I am so sorry about your brother and I wish that I could give you a real hug instead of a virtual one.
Beautiful post, Kristen. I know we have all felt the same way when we read Jennie’s tweet and blog post. Losing someone we love is never easy. I know we are relatively new friends, but I want you to know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk, email, or tweet. {hugs}
Oh my gosh 🙁 I’m in tears here from your post and Jennifer’s. I spend so much time working all the time that I had no idea any of this was going on. This is a beautiful post. I wish I had realized, I would have baked along as well.
Wonderful post, and your pie looks delicious (I love biscoff cookies!) My heart breaks for Jennie, and her story is such a wake up call to all of us.
I love you.
<3
Kristen, I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. This was a lovely, vulnerable post.
Kristen, this is such a gut-wrenching and honest post. I appreciate how you share the real true emotion that comes along with a dying loved one. Not just the sadness, but the uncertainty, the guilt and all the other tricky emotions. Thank you for this.
Mmmm, this picture just makes me want to make this recipe all over again. I must say it was very delicious, but I wouldn’t have been able to complete a recipe if it wasn’t simple enough. This recipe only needs 6 ingredients, so simple, fun, and easy to do!
{{{HUGS & LOVE}}}
Lovely post. You are in my thoughts, as is Jennie.
Kristen, you are so amazing to be thinking of others while you have lost someone too. I’m so happy to be a part of this community with you!
Read after “Giving Grace”
I understand what you are saying. Thank you for writing what so many feel.
After all is said or done or tried and all that is not said or done or tried, we all just do the best we can as the person we are at the time. The person we become later can easily look back and judge that the person then should have done more/better/less/different. But just as you said in “Giving Grace” to others, we should also forgive our previous selves. Love Cousin R
Hi Kristen, I’m resorting to this ‘coz this is an emergency! I’m attempting to bake a peanut butter ice cream pie using your recipe right now (Yes… now!) and I realize that my oven doesn’t go beyond 250 deg celsius. Then while in a panic mode, I thought, maybe you meant Fahrenheit?? Could you kindly clarify this asap? Did u mean celsius or fahrenheit??